Guiding Conversations Based on Internal Questions

In my Questioning & Answering book ( McCusker, 2023), I emphasized that effective communication is not simply about exchanging words.  It is about fostering understanding, building relationships, and promoting well-being. Communication research emphasizes that individuals can guide their conversations by asking themselves three internal questions. These questions serve as cognitive-emotional anchors that help structure dialogue, ensuring that communication is purposeful and impactful.

The first internal question—“What?”—focuses on identifying the subject matter of the conversation. Research in communication highlights that clarity of content is essential for knowledge exchange and audience engagement (Warwick University, n.d.). By asking “What?” individuals ensure that they are addressing the topic directly, reducing ambiguity and enhancing comprehension. This step is particularly important in educational and professional contexts, where precise information sharing supports learning and productivity.

The second  internal question—“Why?”—encourages reflection on the purpose and significance of the topic of conversation. Communication scholars note that understanding motivations and underlying reasons fosters empathy and relational depth (Social Science Research Council, 2024). Asking “Why?” helps individuals connect ideas to broader contexts, whether in personal relationships or organizational settings. This reflective practice strengthens social bonds by validating perspectives and encouraging mutual respect.

Finally, the internal question “What to do now?” directs communication toward actionable outcomes. Research shows that conversations that conclude with clear next steps are more effective in promoting behavioral change and problem-solving (Lee, 2025). This forward-looking orientation transforms dialogue from abstract discussion into practical guidance, supporting both personal growth and collective decision-making.

Applying these internal questions has broad benefits.  In the knowledge realm, asking “What?” ensures accurate information exchange, while “Why?” deepens understanding by linking facts to meaning.  And regarding social relationships, “Why?” fosters empathy and trust, strengthening interpersonal connections. Physical and mental health benefits accrue because structured communication reduces stress and uncertainty.  The “What to do now?” question helps us by promoting proactive coping strategies that support well-being.

Communication research underscores that internal questions transforms conversations into tools for empowerment. By guiding dialogue with What, Why, and What to do now, individuals can cultivate clarity, empathy, and action—qualities that enhance both personal and collective flourishing.

How about some practical examples?  

Think about workplace collaboration: You’re in a team meeting about a project deadline. First internally query, What is the issue here?  Then aloud you ask, “So, the main challenge is that our data analysis is behind schedule, right?”  Your next internal query is, Why is this important?  That is followed by stating aloud, “If we don’t finish by Friday, the client presentation will be incomplete. That’s why this matters.”  The last internal question is What’s the next step? Then out loud you advise, “Let’s assign two people to focus on the analysis today so we can catch up.”  The outcome ideally is that the conversation stays focused, clarifies urgency, and ends with a concrete plan.

Next, imagine a personal relationship in which a friend seems upset during dinner. Your what is: What is happening here?  Your aloud, “I notice you’re quieter than usual tonight. Is something bothering you?”  Your why, Why might this matter to them?  Your aloud, “Is  work stress  weighing on you—it’s been a busy season.” Your What is the next step is the question:  “Do you want to talk it through, or would you prefer a distraction tonight?”  This strategy demonstrates your awareness, empathy, and offers agency, strengthening the relationship.

Now, questions pertaining to having heard a doctor’s just-delivered advice to promote lifestyle changes and health. What is the key message?  Aloud, “So the main recommendation is to increase physical activity, correct?” Internal Why is this important for me?  Out loud, “That’s because regular exercise lowers blood pressure and improves heart health, right?” Internal “What to do now?” Out loud: “Would starting with 20 minutes of walking three times a week be a good first step?” Outcome: You clarify the advice, connect it to health benefits, and leave with a doable plan.

In all three examples, the strategy is obvious.  Knowledge: “What?” ensures you understand the facts.  Relationships: “Why?” builds empathy and shared meaning.  Health: “What to do now?” reduces uncertainty and stress by creating actionable steps.

 

References

Lee, S. (2025, May 25). Research impact in communication: Methods and strategies. Number Analytics. https://www.numberanalytics.com/blog/research-impact-in-communication-methods-and-strategies

McCusker, P. J.  (2023). Questioning & Answering: How, Who, When, & Where. New York: Amazon.

Social Science Research Council. (2024, June 9). Seven tips from experts on communicating your research. The Mercury Project. https://www.ssrc.org/mercury-project/2024/06/09/seven-tips-from-experts-on-communicating-your-research/

Warwick University. (n.d.). Quick guide to research communications. https://warwick.ac.uk/research/priorities/productivity/media/documents/research_communications_guide_pdf_1.pdf